The Bandage, continued.
*
“Michael, stop fidgeting. You’ll make it worse.” Abigail put
a calming arm on his plaster cast. At least it used to be calming.
“It itches. How much longer does it have to be on for?”
“Two more weeks. Then you’ll be as good as new. Christina,
sit back down please. We haven’t finished.”
“That will be the end of the season! I was going to get
player of the season for sure. This is shit.”
Christina looked at her father and Freddie looked up from
his plate. Abigail closed her eyes a second too long.
“Michael, language.” Her husband’s voice surprised her,
although it was too soft for her liking. She added, “It’s making you better,
Michael. It’s not just for show. Christina, please.”
Christina slumped back into her chair. “You shouldn’t have
been such an idiot then.”
“Whatever.” Michael shovelled more food into his mouth with
his good arm. Peace again.
“Dad,” Christina said, “can I go to Russ’s band’s thing this
weekend?”
“Where and what time is it?” Freddie pushed his plate away
and sat back. His hands went behind his head.
“Why should she get to go out, she never finishes her dinner,
never tidies her room.” Michael had suddenly finished as well and threw his
fork down. It missed the plate and crashed into his glass.
Freddie turned to his daughter, incredibly thin and
incredibly beautiful. She reminded him of an energy he had lived by a long time
ago. “It’s a good question, Teenabopper. Why aren’t you eating?”
“Not hungry.” Arms folded like swords across her chest.
Abigail hunted her daughter’s face. Seeds of shame had been
sown somewhere. She couldn’t think why. “Darling, you need to eat.” She said it
as gently as she could.
Christina got up and glared at her. “What? So I end up like
you?”
The kitchen door slammed. Freddie stood up.
“Please don’t go after her; that was rude.”
“I’m not. I’m going to the gym and then I’ve got a call with
Japan. Back soon.”
Michael felt sorry for his mum. He wished he could take away
the sadness in her face. She looked defeated. “Shall we have some ice cream,
Mum?”
*
“Doctor, I love my wife. Or I used to. No, of course I still
do. But she used to be so different. I couldn’t get enough of her. What do you
mean in what way? In every way. I’m a man. I have needs and she filled each one
of them. Oh, she was so beautiful. And she taught me things. We used to play
this word game after sex. I don’t know why we stopped. Yes, the kids came
along. She was always seeing to them. She was perfect and then I just didn’t
notice her. The affairs? Not really affairs. They weren’t anything. I suppose
so, they were fun and exciting. No, it didn’t mean anything. The weight? Not
really. It just crept on. It did annoy me, but I had to keep the money coming
in. Sex? Not much. Maybe she was getting it elsewhere.”
“No, Sarah, I never even looked at another man. I always
loved Freddie. He remained so beautiful, so handsome. That’s why I felt so ugly
and betrayed. He didn’t have to tell me he was disgusted with me, I could see
it in his face. The diets helped, he started to notice me again and that felt
good. But it was like so much time had gone by. He wanted me back to my
university days. That was impossible, we were different people. The kids had
finally gone and it was just us again. That was better for him, he got all the
attention. What do I want? I just want him to love me for me. I’m fifty-six
years old. I’m not nineteen. Yes, we’ve been having sex again. Better for me
than him. I do feel guilty about that.”
“Of course I feel guilty, Doctor, but we’re past that now.
And I think it’s great she’s back to normal. I mean, I didn’t leave her because
she got fat. I’m still here, aren’t I? No, I’m doing this because she wants me
to. OK, I can make this easy for you. Perfection. That’s what I want. I love
her. So much. Yes, I’m sure about that.”
“I just want to be me, to be happy. He will still say some
things. But I think he loves me, maybe too much. Sarah, there’s just a
physicality with Freddie. It’s always been there. Oh, I relished in it when I
was younger. But now. It’s just good to have my husband back. I know he won’t
cheat anymore; we’ve reached a good understanding. It took a while to patch
things up, but this has helped. We’ve healed and mended bridges, I think. But
you know, Sarah, the plaster can always come off, you know?”
*
Freddie sat in the car outside the hospital. His thumb
hovered over his mobile phone. He couldn’t do it. They could all wait. He threw
the phone into the passenger seat.
“SHIT!” He banged his fists on the steering wheel, yelling
at it, pounding it, crying to it. He rested his forehead and let the tears
flow. He had never been afraid to cry. Tears dropped onto his trousers. He felt
cold.
In one decisive moment, Freddie got out of the car. He ran
over to the hospital. The woman on the front desk knew him and didn’t stop him
as he tore past her, red face and clenched fists. He took a sharp left, running
faster, crashing through doors, and bounded two at a time up the stairs to the
second floor.
He collapsed at the nurses’ desk. “I need to see her. Please
let me back in.”
“You can see her, Mr Balding. But you’ll have to wait. Give
me five minutes and I’ll take you to her. All right? Take a seat just there and
wait for me.”
Freddie sat and stared at his wedding ring. He hadn’t
noticed it in so long. But it had always been there. It felt tight. He tried
loosening it, turning it round in his fingers. He remembered first putting it
on. It hadn’t been the done thing in those days, but he’d wanted to. Abigail
had been right. She had been right about so many things.
“Mr Balding.” The voice was at the end of a long tunnel. He
allowed his arm to be taken to a place, sterile, cold and shiny. He followed
his arm. There was Abigail.
“I’ll leave you alone.” Someone closed the tunnel and there
was silence.
Freddie stepped towards his wife. “Darling.” The vowels
echoed off the walls. “Abigail.”
He reached out and touched her hand. There was no need to
squeeze it, let her know he was there. He stroked it with his fingertips as he
looked towards her face.
The bandage was still partly there. Her eyes and nose were
both free, but her cheeks, chin and forehead were still hidden from him.
“I wanted it, didn’t I? Can I see you now? Can I know?” He
brought his hands to her face and gently stroked her closed eyes. He felt his
wife was there, all there behind those eyelids. That’s what he had first seen,
that is where he had fallen all those years ago. He leaned down and kissed
them, his own tears on Abigail’s closed eyes.
“You’ll get bored of
me. You’ll find someone else.” Had she said those words, laying in his bed,
half naked, totally beautiful? “No I
won’t. You’re perfect, bloody perfect.”
Freddie rested his hands on her bandaged cheeks and kissed
her mouth through it. Abigail would have to stay as she was; perfect inside and
him blind to it as he always had been. He walked out of the room to go and call
his children. No more cover-ups.
